“We have drifted apart.” Is a statement of couples that do not see future with each other anymore.
I have heard this exact sentence a few times and have even said it myself.
But then I challenged myself by questioning the root of this and how we could change it.
My conclusion:
Take time for each other
It doesn’t happen just like this, no. it brings some sort of effort.
Shared experiences and adventures develop and you form a feeling of belonging to each other in certain areas of your life. If you have time for each other, your communication gets to another level and deepens. More depth and intimacy can develop. The optimal combination of the feeling of belonging to each other and keeping your own privacy might be the magical formula.
I would like to invite you to imagine those following steps:
You get ready for your challenging job
You shower
You shave /put your make up on
Make your hair
You put your adequate clothes for your work on
You try to arrive early in the office
When you see a colleague your greet them friendly and might even chitchat a bit
You prepare yourself for important meetings
You were able to convince clients of your product by being professional and passionate about your job
You go home after an exhausting day at work
You have had a great day at work, had great discussions with your colleagues and have found a solution to almost every problem that occurred
Now you have arrived at home: What will your partner get from you? Are you still as passionate as you were at the office? Will you give everything to make your partner happy? Or will your partner get the leftovers?
I don’t have anything to say against “My partner is my safeplace. I can just be who I am with my partner. I can walk around in my sweatpants or wear no makeup” In fact, that is a very nice sign of confidence and trust. But sadly just confidence and trust isn’t enough for a long-lasting, happy and passionate relationship.
Investment
Attractiveness, Fascination and the “Newness” is getting lesser over time. Not because you want it that way, it’s just the normal pattern of a human being. Over time there is less and less to discover and less that surprises us in our partner. All the more important is, that intimacy, trust, connectivity and reliability is growing, which in most healthy relationship happens naturally. Nevertheless, we should not depend on those only. The “work” on a relationship should also be fun. Try it with the following questions you ask your partner.
“How would a perfect day look for you?”
“If you would wake up tomorrow morning and over night you would gain a quality or a special skill: What would it be?”
“How important would you scale Love and affection in your life?”
“How can I support you the next few days?”
When asking your partner those questions, you should not judge nor have any expectations towards the outcome nor your partner.
Emotional Exchange
Far too often, the administrative and organizational tasks take overhand in our lives and relationships. We forget to talk about the real stuff: Our emotions, desires and interests.
Especially in stressful times, it is important to keep the interest for your partner and his needs. Otherwise, the intimacy can get lost and you get more and more distant to each other.
With the questions mentioned above, you will then develop more intimacy and also some momentum towards more understanding and interest towards your partner and more passion within the relationship.
When you apply those tools you have pushed the “drifting apart” far away again. This does not mean, that acting this way just once will give you a 60 year enduring happy, passionate and fulfilled relationship! Invest in your relationship when you partner doesn’t expect it, in the "good" times. This makes the journey even more adventurous and passionate.